Have you ever wanted something soo incredibly bad that you literally sike yourself out of even attempting to try for it? Have you ever had an opportunity, no matter how small the odds may be, that presented itself to you, something that you would absolutely love to do, something that would make you happy to the very core to be apart of, and yet you find yourself picking out each and every one of your flaws, speaking reasons of why it could never happen to you? That its just too good to be true... Why would God allow me to be chosen for something that burns so deep inside of me, a desire that is constantly unfilled. Why would he allow me to be taunted repeatedly by things that I want so bad, but I am so far away from achieving...?
Or is it God reminding me constantly of that unfulfilled desire that I am purposefully neglecting because I am being ruled by fear? Fear that I wouldn't be good enough, fear that I wouldn't be liked....Fear that I wouldn't add up. Fear that I could never be what I want to be...
Just a few moments ago, I managed to come across a tiny crack in a very small doorway that could lead to bigger things, God willing. And before I even was able to come up with a plan to walk towards it, I filled myself with the lies that I wouldn't stand out...that I wouldn't dazzle...Despite the fact that the odds are slim to none and there are millions of people wanting this same thing I am, I, for a few minutes completely talked myself out of even attempting this dream, from even giving it a shot... Even when I didn't go looking for this, I just happened to stumble upon it. It's amazing how easily we can tear ourselves apart, ripping through each layer until you are so fragile you can barely stand on your own. We give alot of credit to the enemy, but he isn't omnipresent, he's just the snowball effect... He whispers one thing, and let's our unguarded minds do the rest...
No comments:
Post a Comment